Where did you grow up, and what shaped who you are today?
I grew up in Kenya, specifically Nairobi, the capital city. My upbringing was modest, churchy, and normal. Grew up with two of my brothers, and I was the second-born.
Alcohol wasn’t a thing then, but I’d see a few drunks over the weekends and I guess that’s how I got a glimpse of what being drunk is, especially after experiencing it up close with my father. My father was/is still a drunkard, and of course, we all know how alcoholism goes hand in hand with domestic violence. I suppose my dad’s relationship with alcohol made me swear never to drink alcohol, and that stuck for a while.
The church played a big role in my life since it guided and taught a lot about substance abuse, and I guess that’s why everything stuck for a while. That was until I had my first drink in my third year at the university.
Anyway, I’ve taken leadership and independence as the main lessons from my upbringing, which still influence my life to date.
What was your life like before you got sober?
I started drinking while I was on campus as I felt like I had the means, especially when compared to my peers. Wrong move! This almost made me drop out of college, but I managed to finish with the grace of God and the support of a few caring friends.
Then I started drinking daily after always “downing” my lunch with just a beer. Then it progressed from the house to the bar next door. I knew I couldn’t maintain a relationship based on my daily bar schedule, with a day or two at home. I stayed single for a big chunk of my 20s and engaged in risky behaviors. I hid behind alcohol to chat up and approach women.
Weekends were the epitome of my drinking, as my “friends” were present and we drank as if there was no tomorrow. I pushed my drinking to weekdays once my corporate “friends” went back to work. I was living the life (or so I thought).
I was freelancing, so my drinking pretty much worked for me — the lie I lived for years — except for instances where I didn’t yearn for work and even dismissed some of my loyal client.
I was a mess!
When did you first realize you had a problem, and what finally led you to seek help?
After I realized that my “friends” were progressing in life, but I was still stuck in the same drunk life we had with them over a decade ago, that’s when I knew I had a problem. I didn’t care about that then, but deep down I knew I was becoming a failure.
My mom mentioned starting a family, but I dismissed her, saying there was still “time,” but in reality, I was defending my alcoholism, which I knew didn’t go hand in hand with a family setup. A few genuine friends who had their small families started to distance themselves from me, and I noticed it.
The main problem was reflected when the thought of stopping drinking kind of traumatized me, since I didn’t have any other personality or identity outside my drunk version. I didn’t want to lose the “cool” me, since I hated the focused me — that guy was boring and strict. I sat with the thought for about a year, but I was still drinking heavily.
Eventually, I said enough is enough, sought help online through social forums, and prayed — something I hadn’t done for several years. I gave sobriety a try in mid-2022, just to get a feel of it, and my physical and mental health improved instantly. I’d never felt better than that.
How did you get sober?
I couldn’t involve other people in my recovery journey since I felt people were a problem, whether supportive or not. I gave it a try at some point around early 2024 and went into a 12-step program, but after the first meeting, I went back to drinking the following day, since I felt such treatment wasn’t cut out for me, as I became super depressed (can’t place a finger as to why that was the case).
I’m pretty much a lone wolf, but I read through other people’s stories online and watched podcasts about recovery, which gave me a push into sobriety.
I thrive on routine, and the gym has been my escape after drinking benders over the years. So one day in late 2024, I just told my then-girlfriend — who didn’t drink — that I was done with alcohol after leaving a beer midway, and never looked back. I hibernated with my supportive girlfriend, ignored my “friends'” calls, and after about two months, went back to the gym, which kicked off my sobriety journey to date.
My mental state was all over the place in the first part of my recovery, but with routine and support from my girlfriend, I made it to the third month, which I found easy to get through. The rest is history.
What is your sobriety date, and have you had any relapses or setbacks along the way? If so, what did you learn from it?
My official sobriety date is December 19th, 2024, and I haven’t had a relapse. When I stopped drinking in 2022, I relapsed after almost a year and five months before relapsing again in late 2023. I don’t make that first sobriety run count since I was trying something I’d never done before, just to get a feel of what it was like. I knew I’d go back to drinking at some point, so I counted it as a break from drinking and not giving up on alcohol for good.
I don’t celebrate anything in my life, as I find any day in good health and alive worth celebrating. So I said a short, thankful prayer on my soberversary, but the fact that I keep track of my days kind of motivates me every single day.
I haven’t had any setbacks in my recovery journey since, by the time I went back into social places, I had control of my sobriety. I view relapses from other guys in the online sober community as lessons and would love it if the same people took them as learning experiences and not as failures.
With all that being said, I focus on progress rather than perfection. My goal is not to drink today — one day at a time!
What does maintaining your recovery look like day-to-day now?
When I’m engaged in a routine, I don’t struggle with substances at all. I have work to do, a gym session to attend, and family to be present for, so substances don’t exist in my world.
I’ll do deep work in the morning, go to the gym in the afternoon, walk with my family in the evenings, and retire to bed at the same time every single day. That saves me from having free time to indulge. And on weekends, I might go for a spa treatment or fine dining as a form of self-care.
I’ve lost “friends,” which works for me, as I’m back to the introverted, strict me. I love it when I’m moving alone, since my personality’s weakness is being easily influenced. If someone isn’t there for support, unapologetically, they’d rather not exist to me.
I’ve been part of the sober community on X, and the support there is overwhelming. It honestly keeps me accountable and keeps me going day after day.
I’m more mindful and spiritual, and this helps me deal with any triggering or stressful moments.
I’m happy with my presence in the family at large. I show up to family events, which was a problem when I was drinking, but these days I’m more proud of my presence at those same events.
These days, I’m more intentional, focused, and determined. Thanks to sobriety!
What has surprised you most about recovery?
Honestly, I expected recovery to be boring and full of FOMO. Boy, wasn’t I wrong! The mental focus and clarity are unmatched. My spirits are up, and everything is clear and beautiful through the lens of sobriety.
However, I still find some sort of judgment if you don’t drink, especially considering that I still bump into some old friends and family members who give me the “weeell…” And at times I get the “you used to be fun…blah, blah, blah.” But none of that matters, as I change spaces without giving it a second thought.
The change in appearance is no joke. I had no idea how mentally and physically alcohol affected us, but sobriety has surprised me with the sudden change. My recovery and growth in the gym have immensely improved, and I’m not ready to give this up at any moment. My appetite is back, and overall, life is life-ing.
Also, my socializing is at a peak, minus the anxiety and judgment that existed when I was an alcoholic.
These days, I’m more patient with myself and don’t beat myself up if I fail at anything, as I take some time off and get back to whatever it is I’m struggling with when ready.
Who are the most important people in your recovery journey?
God, my family, and the few friends I’ve made online make my sobriety journey possible. I owe it to myself, and these few people whom I trust are worth the recovery journey, as I know I indirectly affect them.
I stay sober to be a reputable human being and offer my support to others in early sobriety, as I spread a positive message that sobriety is possible and the ultimate win. I share my messages on X and sometimes on LinkedIn to spread the hope and trust that recovery is always the answer.
What have you accomplished in sobriety that wouldn’t have been possible before, and how do you feel about your life today?
I started a new online business, and that wouldn’t have happened, especially considering the time lost while drinking. I’ve managed to set up systems and close clients whom I offer my email services, which is straight value. In return, my life is structured enough to support my loved ones and anyone else in need in any manner I can.
My life is pretty straightforward. Actually, instead of complaining about lost days, I wish for more hours in a day, as my days are wrapping up fast because of the routines and structures in place.
I’m more of a go-getter and not a quitter after my recovery journey. There were times I felt like ending it all, but I questioned what good could have come out of it and realized “none” was the answer. So this makes me see myself as a winner who crawled out of the gutter by whatever means.
I’m happier and content with my sober life and on track to live the life I’ve dreamed of. Sobriety offers me a chance to go for it all and acknowledge, as well as be grateful for, the little I have. This didn’t happen during my alcoholic days, as I used manipulation to get what I wanted, even if it wasn’t within my reach.
I put myself first after realizing no one was coming to save me, since I have God and myself for that.
What advice would you give someone starting this journey to recovery?
At first, I wished I knew I had myself to blame for my drinking habits, as I mostly blamed my “friends” and childhood trauma. But after realizing I was the one in control, everything shifted. I took control of my life. You should do the same.
Accept that you have a problem first and tackle the problem, not what comes with it or after it. Handle the root cause of why you’re using substances to cope. That right there is your key to freedom.
I highly recommend keeping track of your sober days, as it somehow does some magic — you feel proud of yourself as the days keep counting and the numbers shoot up — and keeps you accountable.
Finally, replace your drinking habit. Don’t try to eliminate it. Habits are more easily replaced than eliminated, and that’s what makes most people relapse. I replaced my drinking moments with blocks of work and the gym.
And always remember “why” you started your recovery journey and use that as fuel not to relapse.
