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From Brene Brown’s Shame Resilience Theory 

Shame is a trap for all of us, sober or otherwise. 

Shame convinces us that we are not worthy of love, respect, joy, or health. Shame will do as much to keep us in active addiction as the addiction itself. 

There’s a lot of talk in the world of recovery about degrees of sobriety that involve moderation, or even a “less potent” form of your drug of choice (for example, only drinking beer if you used to binge Vodka tonics or moving from opiates to marijuana).

Depending on the culture of your office, it’s likely that alcohol is either present at events, dinners, and meetings out, or that it’s even stocked in your breakroom. 

As a sober person, happy hours may feel anything but. Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking that being the only sober person in the room “should be” fun. It’s almost always not. 

Like any other system that’s socialized in our country, sobriety comes with its own set of cultural norms and expectations. One of which is the idea that in order to “really” get sober, you have to participate in an in-patient rehabilitation program.

First developed in the 1930s, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has become the backbone of America’s approach to treating substance abuse disorder.

If you’ve been sober for any amount of time (even five minutes), you’ve experienced the cold splash of shame that all of us endure as an avoidable part of our recovery.

How many mornings have we all woken up, unsure of what happened the night before?

POV: You’re invited to the office Christmas party. Before you head out, you adjust your tacky sweater, look in the mirror, and shake your head. Here we go, you think.

So, the pink cloud has lifted. The novelty of waking up bright eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning has worn off. You’ve done a 90 in 90 (90 AA or NA meetings in 90 days), left a rehab program, or changed living situations. And suddenly, you’re not sure how to fill your time. It turns out, drinking and/or using was taking up more of your days than you realized. 

If you are among the nearly 20 million Americans or countless individuals globally who have struggled with an addiction, it’s likely you have asked yourself why.