Brittany L. Shelton

Where did you grow up and what shaped who you are today?

I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. I was born to two young teenagers (16 and 17) and was the oldest of three, with two younger brothers. My mom struggled with her mental health and eventually with addiction, and my dad struggled with alcohol. Growing up, my day-to-day life was unpredictable, chaotic, and unsafe.

More than anything, I felt alone. Even when I wasn't physically alone, there wasn't a sense of safety or connection. I didn't feel seen, guided, or protected, and that shaped how I viewed myself and my place in the world. I learned very early on to rely on myself, but without any real tools to do that in a healthy way.

Looking back, my childhood experiences led to attachment issues, severe behavioral problems, a lack of sense of self, and a shame-based view of who I was and how I fit into the world, along with very few life or coping skills. Ultimately, through healing, I can now see that the adversity that once held me back can also be used to help other people.

What was your life like before you got sober?

Empty, yet full of people. I got sober pretty young, at 23. At that time, I was a single mom of a four-year-old, and I spent the majority of my time trying to be the kind of mom I wanted to be, with no idea how to bridge the gap between who I was and who I wanted to be.

That disconnect was where I lived. I was operating from it constantly. I felt like I was living inside the hole I was digging for myself, and I believed I had nothing to offer. I think I was still operating from that same place I learned as a kid. Feeling alone, disconnected, and unsure of who I was, but trying to hold everything together on the outside.

When did you first realize you had a problem, and what finally led you to seek help?

Probably when I was stealing money and medication from the office I was managing. Near the end, I overdosed and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. I was addicted to Xanax, and the incidents of taking too many pills and mixing them with alcohol were becoming more than my body could handle. I couldn't keep up with what I needed daily and I had lost my driver's license and had multiple active warrants, court dates, and bondsmen looking for me. I couldn't keep everything together anymore. All of my plates fell at once.

It all got out of my control, and I was tired. By that point, I wasn't just struggling with substances. I was exhausted. I felt like I had been fighting every single day since I was a little girl, and I didn't have anything left in me.

Toward the end, I just wanted everything to be over, and I lived in a way that supported that. Careless and reckless. I was young, but I was ready to be done. That's the hardest part to explain. I didn't necessarily want to die, but I didn't want to keep living the way I was.

I knew I had a problem, but in my mind, the problem was me. Not the substances. I believed this was just who I was supposed to be, just like my mother.

How did you get sober?

Because I was a single mom and terrified of losing my son, I chose to attend 12-step meetings and counseling. I turned my phone off, moved in with a friend in a different city, and started the process of detoxing my mind and body.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was brutal, and looking back on that first month and even that first year, I'm not sure how I made it through. Getting sober wasn't just about stopping substances, it was the first time I had the opportunity to figure out who I actually was.

When you grow up as I did, you don't have a lot of time to hit developmental milestones, and that includes cultivating a strong sense of self and belonging.

What is your sobriety date, and have you had any relapses or setbacks along the way? If so, what did you learn from it?

My first meeting was in December of 2006, and I never looked back. I have not relapsed, but there were setbacks early on. Not with substances, but with my behavior. I had a lot to learn about myself and how to live an honest life that I could be proud of.

What does maintaining your recovery look like day-to-day now?

My life is full, calm, and I can feel joy. Over the last 19 years and five months, my recovery regimen has shifted and transformed many times. In the beginning, it was focused more on purging—telling my secrets out loud in a safe space so I could unburden my heart and spirit. Saying those shameful things out loud was a huge step for me.

Sharing my experiences with people who listened without blaming or judging me was one of the first truly life-changing aspects of 12-step recovery. Back then, my life consisted of dragging myself through each day and keeping my mind busy.

Today, I rarely think of my sobriety in terms of “trying to stay sober.” I've embraced the mindset that this is simply who I am now. I am not that person anymore. I've rebuilt my life from the inside out. Sobriety gave me something I didn't get growing up—the space to discover who I am. I had to learn myself from the ground up.

While I don't follow a specific brand of recovery anymore, I do things every single day that support the life I've created. I still journal and take a daily inventory. I walk, go to the gym, I love to read and watch birds and sunsets. I have created a circle of people around me who see me and respect me as a person. I still reflect on what I am grateful for and I spend a lot of time answering emails and dms from people seeking recovery or who are navigating recovery. I show up for my kids and am a person people can rely on.

What has surprised you most about recovery?

I still can't believe this is my life. After almost 20 years, I still feel overwhelmed with gratitude, and honestly, sometimes disbelief that peace is even possible for me. So, I'd have to say that I am most surprised with just how drastic life change can be when you start to make choices that support the goals you have for yourself.

Who are the most important people in your recovery journey?

My husband, my kids, and the recovery community. My husband and kids are the best investment I will ever make while I am here on this earth. It is very important to me that I leave a legacy behind that is worth remembering. As for the recovery community, it's a large group of people, but it's also a very special one to me.

What have you accomplished in sobriety that wouldn't have been possible before, and how do you feel about your life today?

For me, it's the mental freedom. I can't fully put into words how powerful shame was in my childhood and young adult life. I wasn't mentally strong, and I didn't have the capacity to handle my beliefs. So my biggest accomplishment has been breaking free from shame. That freedom has allowed me to get to know myself on a completely different level. For the first time in my life, I have a real sense of who I am and that wasn't something I had growing up. I didn't just get sober, I built a relationship with myself that I never had before. It's changed how I parent, how I show up for my kids, my spouse, and my friends, and how I carry myself as a woman. That allowed me the confidence and room to go after my goal of starting a blog, going back to school, speaking to radio shows, podcasts, women's groups, rehab facilities, and writing books.

I am just happy to be here.

What advice would you give someone starting this journey to recovery?

For me, it's the mental freedom. I can't fully put into words how powerful shame was in my childhood and young adult life. I wasn't mentally strong, and I didn't have the capacity to handle my beliefs. So my biggest accomplishment has been breaking free from shame. That freedom has allowed me to get to know myself on a completely different level. For the first time in my life, I have a real sense of who I am and that wasn't something I had growing up. I didn't just get sober, I built a relationship with myself that I never had before. It's changed how I parent, how I show up for my kids, my spouse, and my friends, and how I carry myself as a woman. That allowed me the confidence and room to go after my goal of starting a blog, going back to school, speaking to radio shows, podcasts, women's groups, rehab facilities, and writing books.

I am just happy to be here.