Ericka Andersen Sylvester

Where did you grow up and what shaped who you are today?

I grew up in Bloomington, Indiana – the same city John Mellencamp shot the “Small Town” music video for (and where he still lives.) It’s a college town, home to Indiana University, so there is a lot of culture, music and art everywhere. I have great parents and two younger sisters. We grew up going to church every week, attending public school and feeling very loved by our parents and many extended family members that lived nearby. I was blessed with a good childhood and though I certainly experienced my share of struggles, I feel grateful for everything I got as a kid – especially faith, family and opportunity.

What was your life like before you got sober?

Before getting sober, my life didn’t LOOK that much different but it felt much harder mentally and emotionally. I was constantly second-guessing myself, feeling as if I were in an oppressive cycle of rules, guilt, shame and lack of self-control.

When did you first realize you had a problem, and what finally led you to seek help?

I always knew I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but it felt impossible to quit drinking because that’s just what everyone did – especially as a young adult. I often felt out of control around alcohol and as if IT controlled me. Quitting seemed lonely, difficult and the thought of “forever” kept me from ever starting.

How did you get sober?

Becoming a parent pushed me towards attempting sobriety. It took a few years, but eventually I realized I didn’t want to be “this person” for my entire life. I didn’t want to pass it on to my kids and I was so tired of dealing with the cycle of disappointment, anxiety and overwhelm. Becoming sober curious and dipping a toe in the water of what sobriety could look like eventually led me to take it on long term. There were stops and starts, failures and setbacks, but ultimately i was able to stop nearly 6 years ago.

What is your sobriety date, and have you had any relapses or setbacks along the way? If so, what did you learn from it?

My sobriety date is September 30, 2020. Prior to that I did have several relapses, one after 6 months. I’m so glad it didn’t stop me, though. I’ve learned that life is always a journey and even if you mess up, it’s still better and more beneficial to get up and keep going. You have to keep going in life anyway, so might as well do so in the right direction.

What does maintaining your recovery look like day-to-day now?

In the first year, it was really important to arm myself with all the tools: online meetings, podcasts, books, community, prayer, sobriety trackers, etc. I still like all of those things, but need them far less. For me, maintaining is remembering to process my emotions, speak to my community and also being a leader in the sobriety space holds its own accountability. Writing a book about sobriety has brought many people to me and I feel a responsibility to them. It’s forced me to deal with other hard things I never would have and that reminds me why sobriety is so important.

What has surprised you most about recovery?

Probably that after some time goes by, it’s not nearly as “hard” as I thought it would be. When you rewire your brain away from alcohol, it no longer sees it as an option. When my anxiety spikes, my wires don’t directly pull up an image of wine anymore. I’ve found other coping mechanisms, healthier ones, but it took time and training to get here

Who are the most important people in your recovery journey?

Sharing my struggle with trusted people in my faith circle was key in the beginning. To be able to be honest and feel safe (even if I were to fail) was vital in overcoming. That’s still true today. Having a faith circle and good church community is probably the most important, as well as other close friends I can trust.

What have you accomplished in sobriety that wouldn't have been possible before, and how do you feel about your life today?

In my sobriety, I built my business to an income level I never could have otherwise. I also wrote a book I’m really proud of. And have been able to tackle other issues that I’d not been dealing with before. I was stuck before sobriety and now I’m empowered to move forward, no matter what’s going on because I developed the skills to do so.

What advice would you give someone starting this journey to recovery?

Don’t give yourself any ultimatums or requirements. Lower your expectations of yourself. Study the WHY behind what you do…study yourself as a data scientist or journalist would – without judgment. Commit to learn about alcohol and the realities of how addiction works. Embrace self-compassion and open yourself up to something new that could be better than you imagine. Choose sobriety freely. Once you have more information, that may be exactly what you actually WANT to do, instead of feeling as if you have to. That is why I titled my book, FREELY SOBER. I would also be honored if you got a copy of this book, as it encompasses everything I want to share with those who are interested in pursuing this possibility for their lives.